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Resources | Vmyths merchandise

''Entirely on faith'' sticker
Click to see merchandise! Go on, admit it. Your PC automatically downloads files from antivirus vendors ... entirely on faith. Get this sticker and show everyone you've got a clue. Click on the link below to visit our CafePress store!
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''Sesame Street quiz'' merchandise
Click to see merchandise! We put a simple question on a line of merchandise. "Which of these is not like the other?"
  • Antivirus software
  • Business productivity software
  • Gaming software
  • Operating system software
The answer? "Antivirus software. Users pirate the others with abandon." All of our shirts say "dismantle the Internet for national security reasons" on the back, of course. Show everyone you've got a clue -- click on the link below to visit our CafePress store!
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''All hail the jerk who barely survived [a virus] attack'' merchandise
Click to see merchandise! (Read the column that inspired this line of merchandise.)

A man named Orville Fudpucker once wrote "the guy who practices safe computing is a nobody, but all hail the jerk who barely survived [a virus] attack." We immortalized his wisdom on a bunch of merchandise. All of our shirts say "if airport security worked like antivirus security, terrorists would rule the skies" on the back. Show everyone you've got a clue -- click on the link below to visit our CafePress store!

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''On the verge of a digital armageddon'' merchandise
Click to see merchandise! (Read the column that inspired this line of merchandise.)

Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) in all his glory! Quoted in context at a 2/13/02 senate hearing: "Some have described us as being vulnerable to a digital Pearl Harbor. That could be an understatement, because we could be on the verge of a digital armageddon." Show everyone you've got a clue -- click on the link below to visit our CafePress store!

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''We came within about four hours [of losing the Internet]'' merchandise
Click to see merchandise! (Read the column that inspired this line of merchandise.)

Senator Charles "digital armageddon" Schumer (D-NY) in all his glory! Quoted in context at a 2/13/02 senate hearing: "We came within about four hours of seeing the Code Red virus take down the Internet." All of our shirts & mugs include another hilarious Schumer quote from the same senate hearing: "A more technologically sophisticated Timothy McVeigh may at this moment be at home developing a virus that could undermine the American economy." Show everyone you've got a clue -- click on the link below to visit our CafePress store!

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''Oh, you milk-fattened ninnies!'' merchandise
Click to see merchandise! (Read the column that inspired this line of merchandise.)

Aw, did someone's PC get infected with the Klez virus? Somebody obviously needs a clue. Tell 'em how you feel with our "oh, you milk-fattened ninnies!" merchandise. All of our shirts say "dismantle the Internet for national security reasons" on the back, of course. Show everyone you've got a clue -- click on the link below to visit our CafePress store!

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''My virus expert can beat up your virus expert'' merchandise
Click to see merchandise! Vmyths editor Rob Rosenberger once posed for a photo in his karate uniform -- and we put it on some merchandise with the phrase "my virus expert can beat up your virus expert." All of our shirts say "dismantle the Internet for national security reasons" on the back, of course. You can even order this one as a poster suitable for framing.

All sales commissions go to Starbeck-Miller Photography, which owns the majority copyright on the photo. Vmyths uses the photo on merchandise with permission. Show everyone you've got a clue -- click on the link below to visit our CafePress store!

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''Infowar's profile'' merchandise
Click to see merchandise! Vmyths editor Rob Rosenberger poses for a parody "Dewar's profile" ad. All of our shirts say "dismantle the Internet for national security reasons" on the back, of course. You can even order this one as a poster suitable for framing. Show everyone you've got a clue -- click on the link below to visit our CafePress store!
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''I paid $99.95 for this'' merchandise
Click to see merchandise! If you'd like to contribute money to keep Vmyths going, we've got just the thing -- an entire line of merchandise that sells for $9995. Seriously! Each product says "I paid $9995 for this. It's worth every penny. Go on, ask me why!" All of our shirts say "dismantle the Internet for national security reasons" on the back, of course.

Every contribution helps. If you or your firm benefits from Vmyths, then we hope you'll offer a small token of your appreciation. Show everyone you've got a very special clue -- click on the link below to visit our "$99.95" CafePress store!

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''I waited 53 weeks and all I got was this lousy T-shirt'' merchandise
Click to see merchandise! (Read the column that inspired this line of merchandise.)

White House computer security advisor Richard Clarke desperately wants to protect America from the dire threat of cyber-terrorism (which he admits doesn't "yet" exist). He worked diligently for 53 weeks after the 9/11 attacks to write a definitive presidential decree. After 53 weeks of pounding on a keyboard ... Clarke unveiled nothing more than a toothless draft document. Our line of merchandise states the obvious:

I waited 53 weeks after 9/11 for the president's computer security advisor to release a magnum opus on the threat of cyber-terrorism ... but all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
We thought about saying "this lousy merchandise" instead of "this lousy T-shirt." But then we figured it would be hilarious to sell mugs & mousepads & boxer shorts with "T-shirt" written on them. If your coworkers scratch their heads in confusion, just say "the president's draft cyber-terrorism document doesn't make sense, either." Show everyone you've got a clue -- click on the link below to visit our CafePress store!
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