Truth About Computer Security Hysteria

Southern Road Trip (commentary #11)

Rob Rosenberger, Vmyths co-founder

DAVE ATTELL HOSTS "Insomniac," one of the best travel shows on TV today. It airs on the Comedy Central cable network. It's definitely not your ordinary travel show. The comedian recently shot a special episode ... where he filled a car with gas and went on a quick "one-tank tour" of the south.

These audio inter­views will record what "cyber-terror­ism" means to Joe Six­Pack. We'll hear from people at gun stores, adult novelty shops, restau­rants, bars, you name it!

By sheer coincidence, I slept in a string of southern motels for a few months. So I decided to swipe Atell's comedy idea. I dropped in on various establishments and did unscripted computer security interviews.

But there was a catch.

I gladly interviewed anyone but the experts. It's time to learn what computer security and "cyber-terrorism" mean to the average Joe SixPack.

And I had real fun with these audio interviews. You'll hear from people at gun stores, adult novelty shops (!), restaurants, bars, you name it...

NO JOKE: I petitioned the counsel of a psychic in early April. I walked in, told her I was desperate to know the future of computer security, and asked if I could get a reading.

Com­pu­ter secu­rity ex­perts like to think of them­selves as scien­tists, yet they also like to pre­dict the future. So it really does make sense to get a psy­chic reading if you think about it.

Man, I didn't know a reading would cost so much! My jaw dropped when the psychic's business partner asked for a very high three figures. "I don't think my boss will reimburse me for such a large bill." Computer security experts do like to predict the future, you know — but we also like to think of ourselves as scientists, so I didn't think I could spend very much on mysticism. I wished them only the best of success and I tried to go on my way.

The business partner quickly asked "what's a price your boss might accept?" I mentioned a low-three figures.

We negotiated for about four minutes until he got me up to the mid-three figures. Suddenly I found myself in a "séance room" with the psychic. I pressed a button on my hidden tape recorder...

The psychic foresaw a major computer security tragedy sometime in November. I assume it'll occur just before the presidential election or perhaps just before Thanksgiving. The details of the tragedy seemed hazy, but she told me not to worry. Everything will work out if we turn to a wise & powerful man in our time of trouble.

I tried to press for more details, but her business partner said it would cost more for a deeper psychic reading. I wished them only the best of success and I went on my way.

This impromptu commentary is 6½ minutes long. Certainly you can spare 1/9^th of an hour to listen to it! I also hope you'll petition a psychic in your local area if you ever need to gaze into the future of computer security. Enjoy.

[continued in commentary #12 in a county emergency management director's office]