Truth About Computer Security Hysteria

Psychological warfare disguised as computer warfare

Rob Rosenberger, Vmyths co-founder

Rosenberger is not just a random ornery writer with a website and a bone to pick. He's an experienced programmer, a systems administrator and a man of mystery with high-level CIA security clearance.  Information about Rosenberger's status with the CIA was confirmed by an inquiry to a government office, and Rosenberger understandably refused to verify or even discuss the issue.  That's odd, because he's usually ready, willing and able to talk about almost anything.

Delio correctly noted my refusal to talk about ... certain things ... in my (honestly boring paperwork-pushing) military career.  Over time, though, I've changed my stance.  Know this: if the CIA ever tried to recruit me, then I flunked miserably because I didn't know they were recruiting me!  Memo #1 to my secret CIA recruiter: man, I humbly apologize for not recognizing the utterly obvious.  I expected more of a Robert Redford/Al Pacino CIA recruiter...

So anyway, my friends love to tease me about my "confirmed" CIA status.  Right after Delio's story hits the web, I go down to St. Louis to hang out with some pals.  One of them gets jealous: "hey, how come I can't work for the CIA too?"  So I say "poof, you're my CIA coworker."  The others jump right in.  "Hey, I want to work for the NSA," and I say "poof, you're my NSA counterpart."  The rest of my friends choose to work for the NRO ("poof!"), the Secret Service ("poof!"), and I forget why one guy chose the State Department ("poof?").

We're laughing like hyenas about the oh-so-secret nature of our jobs.  Someone gets the bright idea to "arrange a clandestine meeting" at a Chinese restaurant on the other side of the Mississippi River.  We're all trying to figure out which cars we'll take ... when my cell phone rings.  It's one of my industry sources.  He wants to give me an important news tip.  My pals lean up to the phone and shout "hey, nobody here but us CIA & NSA spooks!"

Okay, so you had to be there.  I still don't know if my industry source believed it or not.

Of course, once Wired outs you, you can't turn back.  I've taken some intriguing questions about my "confirmed" CIA status from longtime readers like Mary Landesman (About.com), who profiled my sense of humor not too long ago.  If I recall correctly, longtime reader Brian Barlev once asked if my disdain for FBI NIPC had anything to do with a longstanding FBI-CIA rivalry.

Yet another longtime reader who calls himself "4Q" (pronounced with a silent R, as in ... well, let's not digress) believes me when I say I don't get paid by the CIA or any other intelligence agency.  4Q went so far as to offer this astute observation on his website:

Funny thing is they [e.g. the feds] will invite Rob to the White House for high level discussions about the real threat to national security and stuff but they won't lift a finger to put some cash in, to keep a public asset [like Vmyths] going, or just ticking over.  Just think how much one of these covert intelligence operations cost and they got loads of them. The NSA annual budget is an astronomical sum!!!!  I mean we are talking telephone numbers here, it's bigger than all the other agencies put together... yet the CIA, NSA, FBI, Sandia, White House all take information (intelligence, in black ops speak) off Rob's site for free!!!

BEAR WITH ME, folks.  This does lead to computer virus hysteria.

So anyway ... I recently filed a column about North Korea's alleged cyber-terrorism threat.  It sparked a debate with a reader who works for a quasi-government agency.  (She requested anonymity.)  At one point she came up with the most plausible Vmyths/CIA connection I've ever heard:

[If North Korea engages in a Pas-de-Calais deception as you claim], would you then agree it's in the best interest of the [U.S. government] to adopt a counterdeceptive strategy and, say, use nonaffiliated independent contractors to calm the populace down by exposing myths and debunking foreign misinformation?

Ironically, this isn't far from the truth — if you delete the "for the CIA" part.  Vmyths really does perform "counterdefensive information operations" when we expose myths and debunk foreign governments' cyber-war disinformation.  Memo #2 to my secret CIA recruiter: I want my back pay!  Drop it in my checking account.  You guys know the account number, don't you.  Oh, and I want to pin a medal on my military uniform for serving my country so valiantly.

Okay, now we can get to the part about computer virus hysteria.

Let's talk about China's & North Korea's supposed cyber-terrorism threat.  I find their "military cyber-war schools" surprising only because we seem to take them so seriously.  North Korea especially loves to mess with our heads, you know.  I firmly believe they & China (independently) engage the U.S. in a Pas-de-Calais deception.

Indeed, even the director of the U.S. Defense Intelligence Agency once squeaked the whole thing might simply be psychological warfare disguised as computer warfare.  And check out this revelation in a recent Wired story about "North Korea's school for hackers":

Pentagon and State Department officials say they are unable to confirm South Korea's claims that [a] North Korean hacker academy even exists.  And some U.S. defense experts accuse South Korea of hyping the cyber threat posed by its northern neighbor, which they claim is incapable of seriously disrupting the U.S. military.  "The KPA (Korean People's Army) is still predominantly an analog and vacuum-tube force," said Alexandre Mansourov, a professor at the Pentagon's Asia-Pacific Center for Security Studies.  "We tend to overestimate the level of information-technology expertise in the North Korean military, and South Korea is especially guilty of this."

We as a society want exactly what China & North Korea want, and I believe they give it to us.  Beijing & Pyong-yang relax with a glass of lemonade while Washington runs around with its head chopped off.

Vmyths per­forms counter­defensive infor­ma­tion oper­a­tions when we de­bunk foreign govern­ments' cyber-war dis­infor­ma­tion.  (The CIA doesn't pay us to do it, though.)

And it doesn't take much to set us off, does it?  We just need to see a photo of the graduation ceremony at North Korea's Military Hacking University.  I can already hear the cries of alarm from racist senator Charles Schumer (D-NY): "a hundred slanty-eyed hackers picked up their diplomas this year!  Let's divert money earmarked for the World Trade Center monument and use it to buy protection for the Internet!"

DON'T GET ME wrong — China & North Korea will want to screw up the Internet someday.  Beijing & Pyong-yang will want to do real military hacking.

But definitely not yet.

Right now our enemies understand the reward of patience.  (I'll paraphrase myself from a 2001 column.)  If China & North Korea really wanted to mess with our heads, they'd use psychological warfare on Washington's fearmongers.  Then those idiots would try to convince the rest of us to protect our computers with our very lives.

Oh, hey!  Did I mention North Korea especially loves to mess with our heads?

Our society must first reach a true era of "pervasive computing" before our enemies can wage a real cyber-war.  Quite frankly, I don't visualize a true era of pervasive computing for another full generation.

What do I mean by "pervasive computing"?  Let me put it to you this way.  If North Korea magically blew out every computer on Earth today, U.S. troops would storm over the 38^th parallel and beat the communism out of them.  If they wait one more generation, though, our soldiers won't be able to log into their digital rifles — and the U.S. will crumble into a whimpering second- or third-world nation without a single shot being fired.

Hence, we can say Vmyths performs counterdefensive information operations to thwart current Chinese & North Korean national objectives.  You're on your own when the World Wide Web finally turns into a World War Web.

I'll grudgingly admit North Korea could blow us away in the next generation if they ever force us to reboot The Matrix.  "What's this, sarge?"  It's an M16.  "Wow.  So what's the sharp thing at the end for?"  It's in case you run out of bullet bandwidth...