Truth About Computer Security Hysteria
Computer virus damage caught on videotape!Rob Rosenberger, Vmyths co-founder
Saturday, 22 February 2003
I HOPE YOU don't mind if I watch "Real TV" as I write this column. I'd much rather see an episode of "Maximum Exposure," but it's not on right now.
Viruses & worms cause billions of dollars of damage. Each. So why don't we see wild video footage of computer mayhem on "Real TV"?
I'll turn on "Cops" or "Wildest Police Videos" if I can't find an episode of "Real TV" on the telly. I'll even watch "Kim Possible" in a pinch, but I absolutely love "Max Ex." I just can't get enough of the show.
I love "Max Ex" because the voiceover guy mocks every video clip with a brutal sense of humor. I don't know his name but I can tell you he beats Ahmad Rashad & John Bunnell hands down.
Rashad hosts "Real TV" and Bunnell hosts "Wildest Police Videos" if you didn't know it already. If you listen closely, you'll notice the "Max Ex" voiceover guy also works for the Disney channel. I definitely can't recommend these shows for everybody. Not even "Kim Possible," and especially not "Max Ex."
So here I sit, watching video footage of deadly snow storms and oil barge explosions and nightclub infernos and Toys-R-Us roof collapses and — oh, wait, I left the TV on CNN. Pardon me while I change the channel.
Good grief! The "Iron Chef" combatants will use Spanish mackerel as their secret ingredient! (Huh? Oh.)
So here I sit, watching video footage of tornadoes and tidal waves and sinking freighter ships and daredevil stunts gone awry and parachute failures and robberies and police brutality and military tank drivers gone insane and suicide bombers and high-speed crashes and low-speed Ford Bronco chases and singers dangling babies over balconies and lots of other stuff.
The longer I sit here in front of the TV, the more I keep thinking the same three thoughts. First: why don't we see wild videotapes of the damage caused by computer viruses and worms? Second: why don't we see high-bandwidth police chases of virus writers and hackers? Third: why don't we see a weekly show like "Cops" where cyber-policemen patrol the information superhighway?
Hey, I'd do the voiceovers for free and I'd mock every video clip with my own brutal sense of humor. Acquire some wild video footage and you've got a killer new reality TV show.
NBC videotaped a team of Symantec employees as they poured floppy disks from one bin into another bin during the ILoveYou virus hysteria. I've yet to see that footage on any reality TV show.
Believe it or not, NBC videotaped a team of Symantec employees as they poured floppy disks from one bin into another bin during the ILoveYou virus hysteria — but I've yet to see that footage on any reality TV show. A show like "Cyber-cops" would beat "Max Ex" hands down, and yet I don't see it listed in TV Guide.
One of the great mysteries of life, I guess.
Well, let's see what else is on... Wow, Tech TV has a show called "Cyber Crime." I can't wait to see lots of wild video footage. You don't mind if I change the channel, do you?
Good grief! The "Iron Chef" challenger won with his Spanish mackerel cuisine! He toppled a man who stood undefeated for nine months! Can you believe it? (Huh? Oh.)