Life imitates comedy

Rob Rosenberger, Vmyths co-founder
Friday, 27 September 2002

SHORTLY BEFORE THE twin towers fell, a lieutenant colonel asked what I thought of the Army's effort to "sanitize" unclassified data from military websites.

Unbidden, I made a humorous prediction. "You watch: DISA may someday get the bright idea to classify the data in dot-mil zone files..."

I said zealots wanted to remove the most banal things from the web, like Air Force golf course layouts, just so terrorists couldn't attack our troops with a five iron. But others wanted to remove truly sensitive details, like how military postal clerks deal with anthrax letters. The latter seemed more logical to me. The officer asked if the U.S. military could do one simple thing to guard the data on its websites. "Sure," I said. "DISA knows the IP addresses assigned to every hostile country. You could go a long way if you blocked them completely." He looked stunned. "You mean we don't do it already?" Nope. Enemy nations can visit DoD websites at their discretion from the comfort of their cubicle. Hostile agents can gather valuable personal data on Air Force generals just by visiting a website. College students around the world can attack Pentagon websites with impunity. DISA doesn't secure its perimeters so much as it expels invading forces. And then, unbidden, I made a humorous prediction. "You watch: DISA may someday get the bright idea to classify the data in dot-mil zone files." If you don't know anything about zone files, don't worry. It's an obscure topic even for geeks. Just believe me when I say the Internet can't function without zone files. Let me repeat — I made a humorous prediction. "Humorous," as in "comedic." Okay, now go read this story about a bright idea to classify the data in the dot-gov zone files. Try to keep a straight face when you read it...