Truth About Computer Security Hysteria
Two words: 'antivirus pornography'Rob Rosenberger, Vmyths co-founder
Wednesday, 5 September 2001
Let's gaze first at APBNews, a firm which filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection on Independence Day — to gain independence from their creditors. (I love irony.) Their website remained up & running, though. And then one day it fell victim to the Code Red worm.
I suspect the computer security expert got sacked just a little too soon. Not to worry, though: the webmaster posted a message to assure readers "the web site is under restoration. More exciting news will follow in the comming [sic] days." And then I suspect the webmaster got sacked. These things happen, you know.
APBNews still displayed its Code Red restoration notice as of last night. (Hmmm. Should we issue an APB for the webmaster?) I archived a snapshot for posterity; click on the image for a larger version. Enjoy!
They laid off the security guy,
then they laid off the webmaster,
but the site's still up & running
Okay, enough nerd humor. Let's get to the naughty pictures!
First, though, I want to reiterate how much I love my job as a computer security expert. I once got paid to study every titillating photo on Anna Kournikova's website — just so I could brag about it in a column.
I'm not the only one who loves his computer security job. One of my colleagues set his browser's home page to a really naughty website just to make sure the firm's porno-blocking software worked. He usually (but not always) appeared at the top of the daily "bad boy" surfing report. Whew, you don't want to know what happened to employees who knocked him
Huh? Okay, okay, no more pontificating about the many perks of computer security. On to the naughty pictures!
This snapshot comes directly from an
antivirus vendor's quarterly report!
Stare intently at the picture. I know the text gets in the way, but just let your dirty little mind wander. Click on the photo if you still can't figure it out. You'll see the full uncensored version.
Don't worry — we run a professional website around here. If it's clean enough for a computer security report, then it's clean enough for us to show you. Again, I just want to reiterate how much I love my job as a computer security expert. I got paid to archive these pictures for your edification.
I wonder: did the guy get a sunburned neck, or did he just blush?
Gorgeous bipedal humanoid computer viruses!
From left to right: Melissa, ILoveYou, Kournikova
Oh, I almost forgot. Long-time readers will recall Panda once wrote a love letter to a virus author...