Sep 13 2010

Poetic irony for agent.btz malware author

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Suppose you authored the agent.btz malware. Sure, you wrote a lame piece of code in 2008. Now, though, you wake up to headlines screaming about a classified global U.S. military cyber-operation known as “Buckshot Yankee.” An operation that spawned all because of you.

Congrats, dude! You got your fifteen nanominutes of fame.

Your lame piece of malware gave birth to U.S. Cyber Command. But no one knows your name! Doesn’t it make you mad?

Ah, but it gets better! You did what no other hacker on earth has ever done before — you single-handedly convinced the U.S. Deputy Secretary of Defense to reorganize the Pentagon, giving birth to U.S. Cyber Command.

Suddenly, everyone in the cyber security world knows you by reputation. The name of your malware flows from the keyboards of reporters throughout the computer industry. Every U.S. soldier around the world has suffered without USB thumb drives for nearly two years as a direct result of your handiwork.

Now, though, you realize you can’t come forward to proclaim yourself as the creator of agent.btz. You can’t bask in the glory of worldwide infamy! Because if you do come forward, Heaven only knows how much anger you’ll face. That U.S. Deputy Secretary of Defense is so delusional, he might launch a Hellfire missile at you.

And there you go — cursing the fact no one pats you on the back for a job well done. No one knows you wrote agent.btz. Even that idiot Rob Rosenberger got more publicity than you did! Doesn’t it make you mad?

Sure, you could come forward now to claim your fame; who would believe you? They’ll dismiss you as just another dweeb looking for the world to stroke his ego. Face it: you joined the author of the Michelangelo virus in total obscurity.

Poor guy: you won’t get to write a book ten times better than Mafiaboy‘s. Conferences won’t pay your airfare & hotel so you can sit on a panel about computer security. Your name won’t scroll by as “Technical Consultant” in the upcoming movie sequel “Firewall 2.0.”

All this … lost … gone forever. All because you didn’t come forward in 2008 when you had the chance.

Every cyber warrior in every military around the world knows the name of your malware. But they don’t know your name! How can you stand it? How can you live with the all-consuming frustration?

I think about you every night when I go to bed. I realize how much you lost by not coming forward.

I sleep well at night when I think about you. I hope we never find you.