Jun 23 2009

Iran accuses CNN of waging a “cyber war”

I can't wait to see a "cyber genocide" and a "cyber holocaust"
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Iran accused CNN of banding together with the rest of their global news brothers in a (shall we say) coalition of the willing. Their sole purpose? To defeat Iran in a “cyber war.”

Believe it: a “cyber war.” So screams Foreign Ministry spokesman Hassan Qashqavi.

To hear Qashqavi say it, CNN kills Iranians with website updates … and tortures Iranians with holographic on-scene reporters … and maims Iranians with near-realtime video. I can’t wait for Qashqavi to show us footage of sand dunes littered with damaged PCs and smouldering mousepads, screaming “CNN did this!”

Iran’s Foreign Mini­stry spokes­man chea­pened the memory of 100,000 Iranians who perished in chem­i­cal wea­pons attacks during his country’s latest real war.

CNN actually responded to Iran’s charges. In a formal statement issued by… by… well, I can’t seem to get the video to load at CNN.com. No doubt Iran is already striking back at Ted Turner’s alma mater with every cyber weapon in their vast arsenal.

So anyway. CNN punctuated their official response with strong words like “balderdash” and “poppycock” and “conficker.” The 24/7 news organization proclaimed “we haven’t put Robin Meade in a military uniform since her last USO tour.” When the world’s leading cable news—

—oh, bah humbug. I’m done with the humor in this column. Let’s get serious, folks.

Do you realize what Foreign Ministry spokesman Hassan Qashqavi did here? He cheapened the memory of 100,000 Iranians who perished in chemical weapons attacks during his country’s latest real war. Shame on him!

Qashqavi raised an issue I’ve complained about for many, many years. I quote myself from a column published before the 2001 U.S. terror attack where I railed against the trivialization of the word “terrorism”:

My standard philosophical question [is this]: “if this is what you call ‘cyber-terrorism,’ what word will you cheapen when something worse comes along?” Cyber-holocaust? Cyber-genocide? Cyber-what? What, indeed. We can’t combat cyber-terrorism until we combat the hysteria surrounding it.

Vmyths columnist Lew Koch asked the same question just two months before the 2001 terror attack. On the cheapening of diplomatically charged words: “Shouldn’t a group at least have to kill somebody before being labeled a terrorist organization?”

If you believe CNN launched a cyber-war against Iran, then you also believe Vmyths is a tool of the CIA — and I would urge you to increase your thorazine injections.

You know what a real war is? A real war is when political cartoonists draw thought-provoking images after wiping away tears of remorse at the senseless loss of life on both sides of the battlefield.

You know what a cyber war is? A cyber war is when political cartoonists draw spoofs of Foreign Ministry spokesman Hassan Qashqavi after wiping away tears of laughter at the senseless stupidity of his remarks…

  • By xfmrhsdNo Gravatar, 24 June 2009 @ 11:08 pm

    A DOS Attack? on Iranian Gov’t sites? Why that would be like…..say …… a MAC Laptop PC infiltrating and dropping a devastating virus attack on….say…..an alien invading army’s computer network, completly disarming their force fields, allowing us to destroy their ships and save the world just in time for Independance Day! Maybe Qashqavi is looking for a movie studio to buy his screenplay? Just a thought…. OH and the video loaded for me, nya nya.

  • By xfmrhsdNo Gravatar, 24 June 2009 @ 11:10 pm

    Denial of Service attack on a country that denies access, funny.

Other Links to this Post

  1. Cyber warfare: Call in the generals march out the peons — 21 July 2009 @ 11:34 pm